世界末日了吗？
Saturday, January 28, 2012 // back to top?
好郁闷，好烦心，好厌倦，好累了。若今年真的世界末日，那就快来吧。别让我再等了，已经好辛苦，好辛苦了; 是语言/情绪都无法表达出来的那种。真的什么都不想管了。我不在乎失去全部，但请给我快乐，给大家快乐吧。真的什么都能跟你交换，换回我的快乐与幸福。天天都在挣扎着，寻找生存的余地，真得好辛苦。但现在，我认输了。我以彻底的失败了。我不想再挑战了。因为不论我多努力都看不到结果，得到的只是失望。我也有梦想，一个很不切实的梦想。但那是我在人生中唯一想做的事情，其它的我都可以不要。无语。因为我从没努力往向梦想前进，觉得那是个根不可能实现的事。我没勇气，没勇气往向它，也没资格往向它，所以渐渐的疏远了。你能了解这种心情吗？
我每天都过着‘明天再打算’的日子。有，我尝试改变过，但不见效。过着‘明天再打算’的每一天，朋友是我的推动力。至少，我还有关心我的人。这是让我活下去的理由。但我不知道，原来它也那么的脆弱。一个不小心，就会破碎。我知道当它破碎了，永远都补不回了。就算补回了，也不能像新的一样了。但难道你不知道，我的所作所为，都是因为我在乎吗？难道你就不能谅解吗？可能你根本都不在乎。可能我根本就不配当任何人的朋友，我没及格。对不起朋友们，我不是个好的朋友。
// back to top?
There's really something that I wanna undo.
I don't meant to hurt you if I happened to.
It's unintentionally.
I really didn't meant them.
I guess I'm just being oversensitive to things around me.
Presuming that everyone would be like me.
How naive.
yeah, I admit that I didn't know you well enough.
I doubted you, and maybe I shouldn't if you really don't meant them.
But can't you give me a chance?..
It's so awkward to see you now, really.
I don't know what I should do.
I seriously think that I'm becoming very weird these years.
I don't like to talk.
& I have really bad mood swings.
I don't know whether is it because of the stress from school work, or perhaps something else which I don't even know what is it.
Especially towards people that love me.
I tend to show them my mood swings.
And it's like if I feel like talking to them, I will. Otherwise, I won't.
I know I shouldn't behave that way.
And I'm really sincerely sorry for being like that.
But I seriously don't know what's wrong with me either.
I don't wanna do that either.
It seems that I had become irresponsible.
It's not something that I want either.
But if I don't do that, I don't think I can survive until now.
I'm not like this when I'm in sec school.
I work hard and I care about schoolwork.
But it seems so much harder to care in poly.
People around you aren't the same anymore.
All so grown-up and their minds aren't that simple anymore.
It's so scary that I can't handle.
Sometimes I really wish I wasn't born.
It was never meant to anyways.
It was just so wrong for my mum to have met my dad.
& I'm serious.
They aren't in good terms anyways since forever.
There are secrets behind them, and I don't wanna mention them here.
You know what?
Actually there's something good about being timid.
You wouldn't have the courage to die even if you want to.
How great isn't it.
Why must I be like my mum? being shy and all.
Yes, I'm trying to overcome, slowly.
I'm trying not to give up, and I always tried to encourage myself.
But it doesn't seems to be working.
I know challenges are there to make you grow stronger.
But it seems like I'm drowning in those challenges.
It may sounds like an excuse to you,
but it's just hard to explain unless you experience it yourself.
I seriously don't want to grow up.
I see nothing for my future.
It may sound childish, but please,
someone please help me.
I can survive if there's someone out there to guide me.
I wouldn't mind accepting new challenges if there's guidance.
And I meant it.
I'm just someone who isn't independent.
I think I'm meant to be a loner.
I don't express out my feelings easily.
I'll keep everything to myself.
I won't even tell them to my mum, it just make me feels weird if I do so.
Everything, and I meant everything, I'll keep them in my heart.
And no matter how badly it hurts, time will heal, that's what I thought.
But so what if time heals, although I don't remember them in my head anymore, they are already piled up in my heart.
& I don't think they are making me stronger in person.
Perhaps I do express them in blogger, like now.
If I don't, I'll really explode..
But seriously, it doesn't really make me feel any better.
I really wanted to be like anyone else,
interacting with everyone easily, being nice to everyone etc.
but why the hell I can't?!
I really wanna be anyone else except myself.
My life is seriously so screwed up that I don't even know how to fix them already.
Yes, I'm crying,
but so what?
There's nothing wrong with being sad.
but the final reason I'm being sad isn't because of you.
It's because of myself.
There's only myself to be blamed.
For being so stupid in handling things,
for being the one who started off the fire,
for being so useless.
Serves me right.
I wanna give up, I seriously want to.
Can I at least leave my school?
It hurts alot everytime when I go to school.
Everything there just make me feel so miserable.
I need a break,
a break to reflect on myself and hopefully I can find an answer to that.
I need time to get back the strength, the strength to take on challenges again.
but I can't.
There's a lot of reason.
I wouldn't bear to hurt my mum.
& to think that I'm using her $ for the education.
But, mum, can you understand me please?
It's not something that I have the ability to handle.
It hurts a hell lot.
Don't worry, I won't do anything silly.
Remember, I'm timid.
I wouldn't have the courage to even if I have the intentions to.
Such a failure seriously.
I don't know why, but I don't feel like being at home either.
the timid me won't leave home either.
CCM, I hate you!
Thursday, January 26, 2012 // back to top?
Seriousy, CCM, why are you so hateful?!!! ZZZ.
Yes, of course I'm grateful to you for letting T-ara being famous and such. But letting them
overworked is seriously unacceptable. They aren't your slaves, they are just your employees, humans too!!! How can they work 24/7 and with only 2~3hours of sleep per day?.. I mean it's alright to keep promoting throughout the year, but, reduce their working hours for each day. I know they wouldn't mind if you do that. Frankly speaking, from their Roly-Poly comeback stage in July 2011, they looked so much energetic than now. MUCH MUCH MORE! They danced with their all and you can feel the hype in them! But now it's like they had become walking zombies! I mean okay, they still perform very well with their Lovey-Dovey, and obviously they are still trying to give in their all and I can see that they are really trying very hard to enjoy their stage. But, looking at their eyes... TT They looked so tired. TT They are so tired to the extend that they need to express them on twitter & even on TV shows! WTH TO THAT EXTEND! Get what I meant?! They are suffering so much... TT & letting T-ara members perform on stage with their injuries/illness?! I don't think it's their idea to still continue to perform on stage with such conditions! Selfish CCM! & fyi, it's not those minor injuries/illness okay... TT my pathetic T-ara... esp jiyeon & eunjung eonni~ TT
From July 2011... endless promotions for them...
Roly-Poly --> Roly-Poly in Copacabana --> BPBP(Jap ver.) --> Cry Cry --> YAYAYA(Jap ver.) --> We were in Love --> Lovey Dovey --> Love Dovey remix --> Roly-Poly(Jap ver.) --> finally break? april?
Secondly, CCM NEVER fails to
break promises... Never ever. They will never fail to postpone/delay any release of music video when the date of release was already set and told to the public. & you know what's their reason?.. "We are truly sorry for blah blah blah... but due to technical problems, the released date will be postponed." & if they are a little 'kind' enough, they will 'compensate' with an audio release or a really short BTS of that MV. -.- Seriously, don't make promises if you can't fulfill them!!! okay this is to T-ara's fans. But to T-ara, it's the same! They promised earlier on this year that they would give T-ara a 10-days break after Lovey-Dovey promotions, which is most probably around mid of February. But guess what! "Due to overwhelming response and all the love given to Lovey-Dovey, we decided to make a repackage album for Lovey-Dovey(remix) and T-ara will continue their promotions in Japan for their Roly-Poly(Jap ver.) in March. After which they will have their short break..." TTTT Seriously?! -.- PITY T-ARA PLEASE... OMG. I can't imagine CCM is doing such things to them. I really wanted to think otherwise, but... & hello, a repackage album for lovey-dovey?! Do you know that your funky town album is so-called a cry cry(black eyes) repackage album?! Adding 2 new songs and you call it a new 5th album for funky town?! LMAO. okay, I know I can't blame that on T-ara, blame it on CCM. Fans like me will still buy them anyways lol. They worked so hard, obviously we gotta support them~
okay so recently there's a rumor saying that T-ara were told by CCM to not use their Twitter accounts until they stop complaining on how tired they are. WTH. okay idk how true this rumor is, but it kind of make sense to me. As in, let me analyze here. It's impossible for ALL 7 members of T-ara to stop using twitter all of a sudden esp those active users. IMPOSSIBLE. & through soyeon eonni's mini cafe, she stated that T-ara decided to stop using Twitter for the time being without stating any reasons. It must be CCM-related! If not why can't she just state it on Twitter? & why can't she come out with a reason? & I think because of that boram eonni uses her cyworld instead. So isn't it obvious that they are not the ones who doesn't want to use Twitter but 'somebody' behind it?! But for jiyeonie idk. lol. Because she's the most inactive one on Twitter. TT okay rumors are just rumors anyways, I seriously hope that they aren't true though...
I know this is something very old already, but I still don't get the reason why an addition of a 7th member to T-ara is necessary. Sorry, but I'm really trying my very best to not hate hwayoung... X.X it's somehow difficult though, unless maybe if there are more jiyeon-hwayoung interactions. They should at least gave a more convincing reason, not a reason like: "In order to decrease the average age and increase the average height of the group, we decided to add XXX into the group." LOL isn't that so childish?! Always with those lame excuses. okay I shan't discuss any further since it's an old topic, I should move on too. & luckily the rumor of having an 8th member isn't true, if not idk what I will do next. ZZZ.
okay the next one may contain some bias-view-point from me. :P It's my opinion anyways!! I bet you guys had already heard that CCM is going to produce another 7-member female group before mid of 2012. They haven't release the group name yet but you know what? CCM created a 'nickname' for them... -.- and it's called 2nd T-ara. WTF! -.- so lame please. When can CCM stop using other people's name to get attention?! zzz. Sorry, but to me, this new girl group seems to be a rojak group lol. It's like CCM doesn't have enough trainees to create a girl group so they just get their actresses and 'super'models to form a new group. -.- LMAO. I'm not picking on the new girl group though, they just doesn't give me a good feeling. lol as I said I may be bias, but who cares...
I seriously hope that T-ara & Davichi can get a new management company.. ZZZ. Cos I love them both, but not CCM. KNS.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012 // back to top?
I think I did did something really bad in my past life...
It's better not to be born than be someone like me seriously...
The worst thing is that you gotta live with misery.
It's the worst...I'm sorry that I need to post such stuff during new year. But I really need somewhere to vent everything out...
지연 떼문에 미쳐 !!!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012 // back to top?
내! 맞아요! 지연를 너무 사랑해!~ ♥ 티아라 지연아~ ^^
ᄒᄒᄒᄒᄒ
Say me crazy or what but I'm seriously addicted to T-ara (티아라)!!! ᄏᄏᄏᄏᄏ JIYEON (지연) AHHHH WAE IREOKE YEPPEUN!~ 히이이
Although she has attitude, not attitude problem, just that she has more emotions, not emo either though lol. She's actually a very well-mannered girl!~ ᄏᄏᄏ ^^ yeah she just likes to express out how she is feeling inside, except that she won't complain that she's tired although we all know she is... ᅲᅲ It's so heartbreaking to see her perform in her worse conditions. On 2011 AUG 28 INKIGAYO Roly-Poly Goodbye Stage, she performed with her leg cast cos she tore her knee ligament... She CONTINUED DANCING with that injury!!! OMG! Really, so professional! Obviously she was trying to put a smile throughout the performance but we can see that she was in pain... ᅲᅲᅲᅲ ON 2012 JAN 01 INKIGAYO Cry Cry Goodbye Stage, she performed after getting a jab in the hospital because she fainted during their rehearsal earlier on due to fatigue. How can she not faint when she doesn't even have any sleep... seriously... She was absent for We were in Love Special Stage with Davichi though... cos she was in the hospital. But she rushed back to perform Cry Cry! Seriously, what kind of girl is this?!!! How can you not rest when you're sick... OMG. I hope it's not CCM's idea though. who knows...
oh yeah, why is she well-mannered? She greets everyone! As in in every video I watched, I would see her bowing to others (greeting them)! AIGOOOO~ ^^
There are just so many reasons to like her! 히이이 pretty, sexy, hot, cool, talented, husky nice sexy vocal, superb acting skills, hardworking, very sociable, well-mannered, humorous, funny, cute, adorable, talkative, got attitude, charismatic, weird? :X haha ok unique, etc etc(too many to be listed).
